​Do you like being naked in public?

​Do you like being naked in public?
 
There are some people who really don't mind being naked in public but, for most of us, it would be a very uncomfortable, vulnerable feeling. 
Competing can give that same "vulnerable" feeling. Competing can also give you an amazing feeling of accomplishment; bravery and success…win or lose!

​Some people have no issue with putting themselves out there but, those people are few and far between. I always feel like I am the only one that has this terrified feeling about what the outcome might be, what if I lose? What if I have a terrible performance? Will others think my Jiu Jitsu isn’t up to par? Will I be criticized?
 After competing several times and chatting with my opponents after the match, I was surprised to find that everyone I talk to said “I was scared” or “I was so nervous”.  I guess some people just hide it better than others. I have also come to realize that the greatest critic we face is ourselves.

For several years, I watched Worlds and Pan Ams from the sideline. I swore I would never compete at this level. It was terrifying to me. So on the sideline I sat but, never… sitting there, afraid to step out there myself, did I think “Wow! That girl lost, she sucks, and she shouldn’t be competing!” Instead I thought “Wow! She got out there and fought in front of this huge crowd. She is so brave!!” 
At the tail end of my Blue Belt, I made a decision, I was going to be brave and do Pan Ams and Worlds just once, so I could say I did it. It was the most amazing feeling, I had faced one of my biggest fears, I was scared, nervous and felt incredibly vulnerable but, I also felt brave and I did it! Just competing at this level was a huge accomplishment for me. I realized even people who experience performance anxiety like I do, step up and conquer their fears. I have competed several times at this level since. It’s always a little scary but, win or lose but, it’s an accomplishment and I always feel good about doing it.
 

7 years now, I have been putting myself through this “anxious”, “vulnerable” feeling, granted, it has gotten easier but, I still struggle with the “what if” feelings and at times I think "ok I'm getting too old to compete, it's about time I retire” but, then I think about my teammate who just turned 51 and is preparing herself for her 3rd Jiu Jitsu tournament. How do I push her to put herself out there and be vulnerable when I am hiding and being safe? So I will step out there again.
 

We are not defined by our accomplishments. We are defined by WHO we are!  I may not win every match but, I can say that I am brave, and courageous. I can say that I do what I encourage my students and teammates to do. I can say that I have experienced competition at its highest levels and stepped out there, even if I was terrified! I can encourage my kids to reach for their goals no matter how huge they seem without feeling like a hypocrite. 

On a side note, I have always had close bonds/friendships with my teammates that compete with me, I notice this between other students at the academy as-well.  I thought this bond came from spending time together outside of training, after some research on “being vulnerable” I have realized this bond is made when you feel vulnerable and your teammate is there for you, cheering you on, supporting you and still loving you even if you lose.
Step out on those mats! Get NAKED (not literally) Don’t miss out on an amazing adventure, great friendship and a feeling that no one can explain to you, you must experience it yourself!