One thing I have never claimed, is perfection. I have also never claimed to have lived a divine life. I will say that I grew up with wonderful parents and step-parents who revolved their lives around us kids. We played team sports, took music lessons, I was a gymnast, my brother played baseball and they were always very involved. We had sleep overs and parties and went on camping trips. I had a great childhood filled with many happy memories.
My life, once I hit my late teens, took some rough roads and I made some bad decisions. I had my daughter, now 26 when I was just 17. I raised her as a single Mom I did have lots of help from my parents but, I lost my childhood and missed out on many things like prom, graduation ceremony, teenage freedom and friends. I love my daughter and wouldn't change a thing but, it wasn't easy! I also had failed marriage's, anyone who has gone through this knows it is heartbreaking, sad, scary and costly, and even worse when your children are involved.
I have made some bad choices in my life, I've done many things that I wish I could go back and change but, I can't....What I can do (and have done) is be the best "ME" I can be now! I can't fix the past but, I CAN fix the future!
I have received many e-mails thanking me for being a great roll model for women and little girls in the BJJ community. I read these messages and it makes me smile although it sometimes hurts my heart when I think of the person I once was. I sometimes feel guilty for being called a roll model, I think "I was not such a great person in the past, should I be considered a roll model?"
Well, the more this runs through my head I think "YES! I should be!" My past is the past, I have faced the things I have done wrong, I have asked for forgiveness and I do all I can to make the right choices now! I beat myself up for many years, felt guilt, pain and anxiety. Not anymore! I am not the girl from my past.
I am a good mom, grandma, daughter, friend and fiancé! I still give my 20 year old son my last $20.00 for gas, even if I don't have any myself. I run out and do a photo shoot for my daughter and her friends even when I'm suffering from a migraine. I get up from a deep sleep because my 9 year old wants dinner....again. I give my fiancé the last bowl of my favorite ice cream without even telling him there's no more, because I love him. I even sleep in the most uncomfortable position all night because my dog looks so cozy in the spot he is in. But, more important then all that, I try to do what's right! I am loyal and faithful, I live my life productively, I think before I act, I put others first, I go to church, I follow God, I volunteer my time, I try to encourage and support others and I am an honest and kind person.
The things you endure in your life make you who you are! This is who I am now!